, ,

THE TRUE WAY THE INTERNET WAS STARTED!

HOW THE INTERNET STARTED, ACCORDING TO THE BIBLE; PLEASE DO NOT “GOOGLE” THIS ONE OR CHECK WITH “SNOPES”. THEY WILL LIE TO YOU. TRUST ME!  (I did not write this, but it’s so funny I had to post it. internet

In ancient Israel , it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy (Dot for short). Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto Abraham, her husband, “Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?”

And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, “How, dear?”

And Dot replied, “I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah’s Pony Stable (UPS).”

Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.

To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures – Hebrew to The People (HTTP).

And the young men did take to Dot Com’s trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS. And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates’ drumheads and drumsticks.

And Dot did say, “Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others.” And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or eBay as it came to be known. He said, “We need a name that reflects what we are.”

And Dot replied, “Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators.”

“YAHOO,” said Abraham. And because it was Dot’s idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham’s cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot’s drums to locate things around the countryside.

It soon became known as God’s Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).

That is how it all began. And that’s the truth. I would not make up this stuff.

 

 

 

 

, , , ,

PUSSY BALL HAS REPLACED PRO FOOTBALL. THEY SHOULD ALL BE WEARING BRAS AND PANTIES, NOT HELMETS AND JOCK STRAPS. FOOTBALL IS JUST NOT THE SAME TOUGH GAME IT USED TO BE.

football girl

Football just isn’t the same. I was watching the Browns, Bengals game a few weeks back and one of the Browns tackled one of the Bengals. The tackler got up in the other guys face, gave him some shit and walked away. Yellow flags all over the field and a 15 yard penalty. It’s pussy ball, not football. When I was a kid it was rough and tumble. If you tackled someone and had them face down, you stepped on their helmet shoving their face into the mud.  If he was on his back, you kneed him in the balls. If you got to the quarterback, you picked him up and body slammed him. If someone grabbed you by the facemask, you’d break his arm. Now these wimpy guys look at the ref and yell, hey ref, ref, ref, he touched my face mask. Ref, that big guy tried to hurt me. Boo hoo, boo hoo, boo hoo. Are you fucking kidding me? What kind of pussy ass shit is that?  In the old days you’d hear, you lame ass motherfucker, you knee me in the balls again I’m going to stick your head up your mothers ass. Now, it’s ref, ref, ref, he tried to hurt my dickie. That’s not football, that’s fucking wussie ball.

 

Okay, I agree with some of the protective gear, particularly helmets to protect guys from getting concussions. That’s serious trauma and it could screw up somebody’s life. I get that. But hard hits, taunting, threatening and basically crushing a competitor is what football is all about. This isn’t tennis or ping-pong, this is fucking football. It’s supposed to be one of the toughest sports in the world and it’s turned into a bitches game. Giving crap to the competitors was always part of the sport. Now you get fined 15 yards if you look at the other team cross eyed.  It’s no wonder passing records, rushing records and receiving records are being broken in every game. You can’t touch the other guy so how can you stop them? It’s more like wimps and wussies than rough and tough.

Even some of the football names are totally weird.  You ever hear the name Ha Ha Clinton- Dix?  (Hillary Clinton’s dick? No surprise there.) How about Danny Woodhead? Too bad his name isn’t Richard. We could call him Dickie Woodhead.  Fair Hooker used to play for the Browns. Must’ve been one hell of a locker room gang bang with a Fair Hooker around. We need to get back to the days of real football, with muddy fields and tough players. Mean Joe Greene, Bronko Nagurski, Jim Brown, and of course, Dick Butkus. These were football players.

Hell, I’d much rather watch Lingerie League Football. It’s tougher than Pro Football and you get to see some great T & A. (For pro football players reading this, T & A stands for tits and ass.)  So the next time you’re watching a pro football game, do me a favor.  Try closing your eyes and picturing all these guys wearing bras and panties. Better yet, try it now. Close your eyes and picture some fat football player in lace bras and panties. Victoria Secret lace bras and panties, to be exact. Picture them in a huddle and the quarterback with his hands under the crotch of a 300 pound centers ass in those lace panties.  I’ll leave you with that sucky vision in your head. Hey, enjoy the games this weekend.

CHINESE BILLIONAIRE OFFERS $180 MILLION TO ANYONE THAT CAN CHANGE HIS LESBIAN DAUGHTER TO STRAIGHT. I’M GOING TO SACRIFICE AND OFFER MY DICK AS A SOLUTION.

chinese guy and daughter

I’m sure you’ve already heard about The Hong Kong billionaire with the drop dead gorgeous daughter who’s a lesbian.  Daddy dearest has offered 180 million to the guy who can get in her pants and get her to go straight.  As you can see by the picture, she’s smoking hot.

I have the solution. If this girl was smart she’d just marry me. We could get 180 million from daddy, I don’t have many years to go, so she would inherit all that money when I kick. And as a bonus to her while she was with me, she could have all the girls in bed with us that she wanted. I’d be happy to watch and offer any part of me that made them all happy. And if she wanted some male sex in between,  I could be there to service her.

For $180 million we could have a house full of maids, gardeners,  pool people, massage girls and every type of female labor you could think of all over the house.  Yes, I would sacrifice again and let her do that.  How convenient would that be for her? Lesbians, straight, bi, whatever she wanted she could have and as many as she wanted. All she needs is one little guy, like me, that she can say is her husband that she went straight with. Its really that easy, don’t you think?

OK, so now you all think I’m whoring myself out. Hell yes, I’d do that do in a heartbeat for $180 million. Quite frankly, for 180 million, I’d even consider fucking the old man.  🙂 (I can’t even imagine the comments I’ll get on this one.)

Howard R. Baer – the lesbian buster!

, ,

THIS STORY IS ABOUT BOOBS. IF YOU DON’T LIKE THEM OR DON’T HAVE THEM, DON’T BOTHER READING THIS.

boobs

Why are men so fascinated with female boobs? I recently had a meeting where a female member a company that we were meeting with had what looked like a fairly new rack. They were rock solid and looked great. I found myself constantly staring them and any time I tried to look up my eyes strayed immediately back down. Now, I’m the kind that tries to look in somebody’s eyes when I’m talking with them, particularly about business or in a meeting, but I invariably found myself staring at those tits.

I really wonder what you women think when us perverts do that. You girls must realize it when we’re taking a sneak peek. And if you’re wearing a low-cut with that cleavage sticking in our faces, you’re obviously looking for us to stare at them. Right? Is it’s as obvious to you girls that we’re staring at them as it is to us? When the girls in our office come up to give me papers to sign or to show me something they’re working on, they lean over the front of my desk, and guess what, beautiful boobs right in my face. How can I not look at them? You girls have to know we’re staring at them and you must like it, otherwise, why do you stick them in our faces? Do you get embarrassed or do you think, how cute, “he’s staring right at my tits!” Many times I want to just reach out and fondle them because it feels like they’re being offered up. Is that allowed?

All of us guys need answers to these questions, so maybe some of you out there, male or female, can help out? Is it ok if I stare at her boobs, and does she get off on it? (I do!) And one last question. Will the girls I know that read this cover up in front of me now or show more cleavage?

Lets hear your opinions.
HB